Grief During the Holidays
Grieving the loss of a loved one is difficult, especially during the holiday season. Sights, sounds and traditions that once conjured up feelings of happiness – a beautifully decorated tree, snow falling past the window, a favorite holiday song – now leave you feeling sad or empty inside. As the holiday season approaches, it’s important to recognize your emotions, find ways to honor your loved one and, most importantly, take care of yourself. Below are some tips to guide you through that process.
Know your boundaries and be comfortable with saying “no.”
Everyone grieves differently – while some may prefer to stay busy and surround themselves with friends and family this holiday season, others may feel overwhelmed at the thought of large, noisy gatherings. If you fall into the latter category, it’s ok to acknowledge that your social calendar may look a little different this year. Participate in the events that feel right to you and decline the ones that don’t. It’s important to not let peer pressure sway your decision – only you know what you are capable of handling right now.
Honor the memories and traditions.
While it can be painful to think about continuing a tradition that is strongly associated with your loved one (such as baking your mom’s famous sugar cookies or watching your dad’s favorite Christmas movie), try to think of it as a beautiful way to keep their memory alive. Tell others about why this tradition is so important to you and ask them to share stories about your loved one that you may not know. You can also create new traditions that honor your loved one, such as a hanging a special ornament on the tree, lighting a candle in their memory or donating to a cause that was important to them.
Take time for self-care and accept offers of support.
Grief can manifest itself in many ways. You may experience increased fatigue, changes in eating or sleeping habits, trouble concentrating, anxiety, fear and body aches or pain. Self-care, even if it’s a simple walk around the block or some quiet time alone in your room, can help alleviate these symptoms. Talk to others about how you are feeling and try not to suppress your emotions or act happy for the sake of the season. Find a family member or friend who will listen to you without judgement or check to see if there is a grief group in your community that can allow you to connect with others who are on a similar journey.
While the symptoms listed above are not unusual and do not follow a specific timetable or pattern, contact your primary care provider if you notice that you are struggling with everyday activities such as sleeping, getting dressed or preparing meals. In some instances, professional counseling may be necessary to help you navigate your grief.
How can I help someone who is grieving?
It can be difficult to find the right words to say to someone who is struggling with a loss. Try to avoid giving unsolicited advice or ignoring the topic completely. The most important thing you can do is be understanding and supportive. Let the person determine how they want to celebrate the season and try not to judge their decisions or push them into doing something they don’t want to do. Offer to assist with tasks that may feel overwhelming, like shopping, wrapping presents or hosting a gathering. Invite your friend to join you for an activity you know they would enjoy; if they decline, continue to reach out and find ways to support them. These simple gestures will not go unnoticed and will make a big difference during a difficult time in their life.
Sources: FMC Chaplain Services, CuraLinc